A Great Unifying Metatheory: Trying Not to Die OR Rawk Show

Where do all the hipsters come from? There are never enough cars or bikes or scooters or buses or subways to account for them all.

I think they're like fungii. They travel as spores do through the air mating with other spores, taking root on the undersides of logs, in basements, and rockclubs. Each one a variation bearing some resemblance to the last.

Hipsters kind of look like mushrooms, too. All big-headed with small frames and skinny legs, moppish hair. Forests and fields and meadows filled with related species....